Five Effin' Blades!

One of The Onion's all-time funniest pieces was this February 2004 parody of Gillette CEO James Kilts throwing down the gauntlet in a foul-mouthed tirade about developing a five-bladed razor to beat Schick's four-bladed one.

Yesterday, the real James Kilts presided over the launch of a new Gillette razor with, you guessed it, five blades. Six, actually, if you count the extra "trimming" blade.

What's hilarious is how eerily accurate The Onion was. They said Gillette would go straight from three blades to five after the competition went to four. They said it would use two lubricating strips instead of just one. And then there's this quote from the real Kilts heaping scorn upon Schick:

"The Schick launch has nothing to do with this, it's like comparing a Ferrari to a Volkswagen as far as we're concerned."

Oh, and of course I'm going to buy this thing. That's a no-brainer. Blades are like cylinders on an engine, ounces in a Big Gulp, or strippers at a bachelor party: the more the merrier.

Oh yeah, this posting owes absolutely nothing to my buddy J-Dogg, who saw the Gillette story last night and immediately thought of The Onion piece, but failed to notify LMNOP headquarters and report this bit of breaking news. May he use single-bladed Bic disposables for the rest of his life.