Five Cars That Piss Me Off
I hate these cars. Every time I see them, it makes me angry. It makes me angry that someone made these cars. It makes me angry that someone bought these cars. It makes me angry that someone drives these cars.
5. Toyota Prius. Yeah, I know, this is the car that is supposedly saving the planet. I know it's packed with marvelous technology that can magically transform a car from environmental Satan into environmental salvation. You know what? It's also the most boring-looking turd of a car to roll its way down an American highway. Seriously, people trash the Pontiac Aztek yet heap praise on this aesthetic monstronsity? It's hard for me to get passionate about a car whose most interesting feature is a computer screen showing the state of drivetrain. Frankly, I'm not going to consider buying a hybrid car until I hear of one that does 0-60 in 5 seconds and gets 50 miles mpg.
4. Scion xB. Who in their right mind drives a car that looks like the Jolly Green Giant's shoe box? And why are people tinting the windows and putting expensive, shiny rims on them? Along with poodles and ultra-baggy pants, those are the most riduculous things I've ever seen. Every time I see a Scion xB, I want to pick it up and crush it against my forehead.
3. Porsche Cayenne. Somone please explain to me the purpose of this vehicle. The buying process must go one of two ways. One, you've got $75,000 to drop on an SUV and you buy a Porsche, or two, you've got $75,000 to drop on a Porsche and you buy an SUV. Either way, you're an idiot. If you want a vehicle to go offroad and haul stuff, buy a Land Rover or a Hummer. If you want a Porsche to go fast in, buy a 911 or the sweet new Cayman.
2. Toyota Camry. Yup, the third appearance by Toyota on this list. How they became the world's top car maker is beyond me. I guess by making cars that are as exciting as a cardboard box but never, ever, ever break down and can be driven for a quarter million miles before being retired, usually because the interiors, not the mechanics, have gone to hell. Every time I see, think, or attempt to write about the Camry lajkd;fjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjl woah, sorry, I fell asleep there on the keyboard. That's just the effect the Camry has on me. It's amazing that people can stay awake while driving this snoozer of a car.
1. Hyundai Tiburon. This pathetic attempt at a sports car is like the dorky kid in high school who thinks he can hang with the cool crowd if he wears the right clothes and talks loudly about how cool he is. Skinned in Pininfarina duds, this automotive nerd also laughingly sports twin exhaust pipes, as if. Your V6 barely puts out more horses than a good 4-cylinder. Dude, you're not a Ferrari, you're not a Porsche, you're not a Nissan 350Z or even a Mitshubishi Eclipse. I saw these all over China, but the Chinese are less than five years into their love affair with cars. At this point, the Chinese don't have many other options, plus they frankly just don't know any better. What's your excuse?
Well, those are my automotive peeves. What are yours?
5. Toyota Prius. Yeah, I know, this is the car that is supposedly saving the planet. I know it's packed with marvelous technology that can magically transform a car from environmental Satan into environmental salvation. You know what? It's also the most boring-looking turd of a car to roll its way down an American highway. Seriously, people trash the Pontiac Aztek yet heap praise on this aesthetic monstronsity? It's hard for me to get passionate about a car whose most interesting feature is a computer screen showing the state of drivetrain. Frankly, I'm not going to consider buying a hybrid car until I hear of one that does 0-60 in 5 seconds and gets 50 miles mpg.
4. Scion xB. Who in their right mind drives a car that looks like the Jolly Green Giant's shoe box? And why are people tinting the windows and putting expensive, shiny rims on them? Along with poodles and ultra-baggy pants, those are the most riduculous things I've ever seen. Every time I see a Scion xB, I want to pick it up and crush it against my forehead.
3. Porsche Cayenne. Somone please explain to me the purpose of this vehicle. The buying process must go one of two ways. One, you've got $75,000 to drop on an SUV and you buy a Porsche, or two, you've got $75,000 to drop on a Porsche and you buy an SUV. Either way, you're an idiot. If you want a vehicle to go offroad and haul stuff, buy a Land Rover or a Hummer. If you want a Porsche to go fast in, buy a 911 or the sweet new Cayman.
2. Toyota Camry. Yup, the third appearance by Toyota on this list. How they became the world's top car maker is beyond me. I guess by making cars that are as exciting as a cardboard box but never, ever, ever break down and can be driven for a quarter million miles before being retired, usually because the interiors, not the mechanics, have gone to hell. Every time I see, think, or attempt to write about the Camry lajkd;fjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjl woah, sorry, I fell asleep there on the keyboard. That's just the effect the Camry has on me. It's amazing that people can stay awake while driving this snoozer of a car.
1. Hyundai Tiburon. This pathetic attempt at a sports car is like the dorky kid in high school who thinks he can hang with the cool crowd if he wears the right clothes and talks loudly about how cool he is. Skinned in Pininfarina duds, this automotive nerd also laughingly sports twin exhaust pipes, as if. Your V6 barely puts out more horses than a good 4-cylinder. Dude, you're not a Ferrari, you're not a Porsche, you're not a Nissan 350Z or even a Mitshubishi Eclipse. I saw these all over China, but the Chinese are less than five years into their love affair with cars. At this point, the Chinese don't have many other options, plus they frankly just don't know any better. What's your excuse?
Well, those are my automotive peeves. What are yours?
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