Weirdo

I don't know whether to hail this guy as a genius and a hero or condemn him as a deranged criminal.

MIAMI (Reuters) - A 76-year-old man claiming to be a doctor went door-to-door in a Florida neighborhood offering free breast exams, and was charged with sexually assaulting two women who accepted the offer, police said on Thursday.

One woman became suspicious after the man asked her to remove all her clothes and began conducting a purported genital exam without donning rubber gloves, investigators said.

You know, if he only had the foresight to pack rubber gloves, he could have gotten away scot-free. There's really nothing unusual about strange old guys knocking on your door offering free breast and genital exams. Happens all the time. But it's the little things -- like rubber gloves -- that people notice.

At least two women, both in their 30s, let him into their homes and he fondled and sexually assaulted them, the investigators said.

Translation: this guy hit the jackpot. You could this sort of sordid scheme working on the weak and vulnerable, like in a retirement home's Alzheimer's ward or something. But no, he got two 30-something chicks to drop trou.

He worked as a shuttle driver for an auto dealership.

That's it? A shuttle driver? Sounds like the guy should have been running the whole damn operation.

Oh yeah, check out the dude's picture. His expression says, "I can't believe I got away with it for as long I did."

But please, don't try this at home. Pretending to be a physician and molesting a woman is just wrong, unless, of course, you're playing "doctor" with your wife or girlfriend.