An IM conversation that is at once amusing and horrifying

This is an actual IM conversation that took place today with a good friend. Names have been changed to protect the innocent.

Scott says: Yo homes

Mounds says: shizzlator

Mounds says: sitting with my balls on frozen peas

Scott says: Oh dudE!!!!

Scott says: and you're not joking, are you?

Mounds says: extremely untrivial

Mounds says: nope

Scott says: i hope you're at home and not at kinkos

Mounds says: vasectomy

Mounds says: on the la-Z-boy

Scott says: are you in pain?

Mounds says: stomach hurts. They pull your nut strings, which i hated

Scott says: 'scuse me? nut strings?

Mounds says: the tubes that carry your money juice to your gajangas

Scott says: and you could feel them unraveling like a cheap sweater, right?

Mounds says: the doctor asked me if I wanted to see them, and like I fool I looked

Scott says: oh god

Mounds says: don't do that if you ahve this

Scott says: thanks doc

Mounds says: my new name is Jackson. I am a new person

Scott says: you just need a new nose and you're set

Scott says: oh man you are a brave man

Scott says: i respect a guy who can get his nuts chopped

Scott says: that takes balls, you could say

Mounds says: this guy has a website - www.drsnip.com

Scott says: fuck off that is not a real web site

Mounds says: twisted pigfucker
Mounds says: click

Mounds says: he looks like an evil bastard, no?

Scott says: he has a crazed look in his eyes

Mounds says: he should - he is wearing my balls as earrings

Scott says: but he advertises a "no scalpel technique"

Mounds says: at the end he gave me a pocket knife with his url on it

Scott says: what a sick fuck

Mounds says: so what - he got into my scrotum with s soup spoon?

Scott says: i have to ask -- how do they do it?

Mounds says: they cut a small hole in your scrotum, and then grab both of the vans (seminal tubes), cut them in half, and then cauterize them

Scott says: those first eight words are not ones i hope to ever read again

Scott says: do they at least shave you?

Mounds says: yeah

Mounds says: is that a perk?

Scott says: depends i guess

Mounds says: i always fantasized of a perky redhead shaving my balls, not dr snip

Scott says: this is great. you have a son and send me an e-mail with a half-dozen words. you get a vasectomy and turn into fucking leo tolstoy

Scott says: the good doctor doesn't have a contingent of pretty nurses to do stuff like that?

Mounds says: this is the first time I have been forced to sit in one place, and not allowed to move

Mounds says: makes me loquacious

Scott says: it seems you would have good incentive not to move.