Caffeine update
So last night as I was polishing off a raw pumpkin, I wiped the last seed off my slime-covered lips and thought, "You know, I can't believe it's been more than a week since I went off caffeine."
I have to say, the first few days were living hell. The withdrawal was almost as bad as when I finally quit snorting Pop Rocks. Almost.
For three days, I had a splitting headache. My body ached, although that might have been from a particularly vigorous gym workout a couple days prior. In any event, I had to pop ibuprofen for days because of the discomfort. I went to bed before 10:00 p.m. every night, not even mustering the energy to play a few turns of "Rome: Total War".
Still, I persisted. Neither the aromatic seductions of the Starbucks merwench nor the icy temptation of the Vanilla Coke in my fridge were enough to loosen my resolve. Not since I drank a large Diet Coke at the cinema and held it through the entire“Return of the Kings”has mankind witnessed such an impressive display of willpower.
Now, I stride throughout this caffeine-saturated world with impunity. If you look into my eyes, the alertness of my gaze will startle or perhaps alarm you. I need less sleep and can perform the work of three men. My colors are more vivid and my whites are whiter. Word of my heightened sexual prowess is spreading, even among women.
So you can keep your venti quadruple-shot extra-hot caramel macchiato, your Ethiopian Mocha Harrar, your canned Passo Presso, your Diet Vanilla Coke, your, your...
Pardon me now while I find someplace quiet to weep.
I have to say, the first few days were living hell. The withdrawal was almost as bad as when I finally quit snorting Pop Rocks. Almost.
For three days, I had a splitting headache. My body ached, although that might have been from a particularly vigorous gym workout a couple days prior. In any event, I had to pop ibuprofen for days because of the discomfort. I went to bed before 10:00 p.m. every night, not even mustering the energy to play a few turns of "Rome: Total War".
Still, I persisted. Neither the aromatic seductions of the Starbucks merwench nor the icy temptation of the Vanilla Coke in my fridge were enough to loosen my resolve. Not since I drank a large Diet Coke at the cinema and held it through the entire“Return of the Kings”has mankind witnessed such an impressive display of willpower.
Now, I stride throughout this caffeine-saturated world with impunity. If you look into my eyes, the alertness of my gaze will startle or perhaps alarm you. I need less sleep and can perform the work of three men. My colors are more vivid and my whites are whiter. Word of my heightened sexual prowess is spreading, even among women.
So you can keep your venti quadruple-shot extra-hot caramel macchiato, your Ethiopian Mocha Harrar, your canned Passo Presso, your Diet Vanilla Coke, your, your...
Pardon me now while I find someplace quiet to weep.
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