Game, set and match

I don't mean to boast, but I may be the world's most accomplished Candyland player.

I don't make that assertion lightly.

Few opponents can draw the double-movement card like I can.

I almost always hit the Rainbow Bridge to give me an early lead on the rest of the pack.

And I can dance 'twix gooey molasses and sticky gumdrops like no other gingerbread-based law enforcement officer in the kingdom. I'm a real life saver.

That runt Lord Licorice doesn't stand a chance against my superior tactics.

I'm so good, Queen Frostine (a real hot tamale) says she's going to ditch that goober King Kandy and show me her mounds and bit-o-honey.