Off the wagon
As my loyal readers are well aware, I quit all forms of caffeine about two months ago. Cold turkey, baby, no regrets.
Well, actually I have a ton of regrets. Like how about regretting not having my precious cup of joe every damn morning.
But I have a plan. A plan to fall of the wagon in a spectacular way.
We fly to Seattle tomorrow for nearly three weeks of holiday. What does Seattle have in abundance?
No, not rain, that's only from October to April. I remember from fall of 2000 to spring of 2001 it rained for 180 consecutive days. But the summers are nice. Anyway, I digress.
What does Seattle have a lot of?
I mean, aside from grungy chicks with unshaven armpits, Subaru Forester station wagons, and depressed John Kerry voters.
Yeah, that's right. Coffee. And I'm not talking Starbucks, although there is of course one of those on every corner.
Starbucks is to Seattle coffee what Red Hook is to local microbrews. They're the ones that kicked off their respective crazes, but they're also what you drink only when you can't get the really good stuff.
I'm talking about Last Exit near the University District, about B&O Espresso off Broadway, about Still Life in Fremont (Holy crap Robert tells me the Still Life is gone. This is a tragedy. A moment of silence, please).
In these places, coffee doesn't come in cups, it comes in bowls. Espresso isn't made, it's crafted. When scones on offer at these places are to regular scones as lembas is to Wonder Bread.
One place that regularly gets voted as having the best espresso in town is called Vivace, and it isn't even a proper coffee shop. It's more of a semi-permanent kiosk on the aforementioned Broadway, a hip strip of street reknowned for its quirky population of gays, punks and assorted freakazoids.
Check out Vivace's Web site. Note how they drizzle the espresso over the foam to make cool trees and stuff. That rocks.
So here's my plan.
1. Wake up.
2. Purify body by bathing in the Ganges River.
3. Sanctify soul with incense blessed in the Vatican.
4. Wearing only loincloth and carrying a crude walking stick, hike barefoot the 12 miles to Vivace.
5. Once there, stand at Vivace entrance. Kneel, lie prone, stand, advance one step. Repeat until site has been circumnavigated three times.
6. Order a double tall mocha. Or maybe something with caramel. Mmmm, caramel.
7. Hold beverage close to lips. Wipe tear from eye.
8. Consume beverage.
9. Wait for head to explode.
Well, actually I have a ton of regrets. Like how about regretting not having my precious cup of joe every damn morning.
But I have a plan. A plan to fall of the wagon in a spectacular way.
We fly to Seattle tomorrow for nearly three weeks of holiday. What does Seattle have in abundance?
No, not rain, that's only from October to April. I remember from fall of 2000 to spring of 2001 it rained for 180 consecutive days. But the summers are nice. Anyway, I digress.
What does Seattle have a lot of?
I mean, aside from grungy chicks with unshaven armpits, Subaru Forester station wagons, and depressed John Kerry voters.
Yeah, that's right. Coffee. And I'm not talking Starbucks, although there is of course one of those on every corner.
Starbucks is to Seattle coffee what Red Hook is to local microbrews. They're the ones that kicked off their respective crazes, but they're also what you drink only when you can't get the really good stuff.
I'm talking about Last Exit near the University District, about B&O Espresso off Broadway, about Still Life in Fremont (Holy crap Robert tells me the Still Life is gone. This is a tragedy. A moment of silence, please).
In these places, coffee doesn't come in cups, it comes in bowls. Espresso isn't made, it's crafted. When scones on offer at these places are to regular scones as lembas is to Wonder Bread.
One place that regularly gets voted as having the best espresso in town is called Vivace, and it isn't even a proper coffee shop. It's more of a semi-permanent kiosk on the aforementioned Broadway, a hip strip of street reknowned for its quirky population of gays, punks and assorted freakazoids.
Check out Vivace's Web site. Note how they drizzle the espresso over the foam to make cool trees and stuff. That rocks.
So here's my plan.
1. Wake up.
2. Purify body by bathing in the Ganges River.
3. Sanctify soul with incense blessed in the Vatican.
4. Wearing only loincloth and carrying a crude walking stick, hike barefoot the 12 miles to Vivace.
5. Once there, stand at Vivace entrance. Kneel, lie prone, stand, advance one step. Repeat until site has been circumnavigated three times.
6. Order a double tall mocha. Or maybe something with caramel. Mmmm, caramel.
7. Hold beverage close to lips. Wipe tear from eye.
8. Consume beverage.
9. Wait for head to explode.
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