I'm an Athlete. Not.

My buddy Joe was apparently some sort of adolescent freak of nature.

At least he had a shining moment of athletic glory, something that has eluded me my entire life.

The pinnacle of my athletic career was in sophomore high school football, where I was 2nd-string defensive guard.

On the last game of the season, we were beating our rivals like 35-0, and the coach goes, "Scott! Get in there!"

I ran in not knowing what to expect and lined up. It was fourth down.

"Hike!" The ball snapped back.

I stepped up and saw the quarterback right in front of me.

It took a second to realize that there was nobody between me and him. They had forgotten to block me.

I took a couple more steps, reached out, grabbed his jersey, and wrenched him to the ground. A sack.

A sack that preserved our shutout of our big rival in the last game of the season.

That's all I got, but it's kept me going for 20 years. Twenty years, man.